03102010: Smile, and Pretend

7:34 AM          By Mr Blur
Last night I accompany a best friend of mine to his batch's dinner, which supposedly attended by my other friend who cancelled at 11th hour. So, I ended up awkward at the table. Oh well, as long as the food are okey, so I'm good. There I met an old friend, and made a new one. Yeay me.

Super Junior?

Nom nom nom

Speaking about awkward.

I think that is the situation I am feeling now. Can I go back to where I was? I have this tendency to freak myself out, and is easily traumatized.

Life. Am I living my dream now? No.

I've been living in this little box. I pretend that I am happy. I try to tell myself, hey, you are lucky to have what you got now. I tried, tried, and tried. But looks like it doesn't bring much help.

So. Now I'm drawing my next game plan. Try to fit in every possibility, every opportunity that I might have missed, and try to push through. I will survive. I must survive.

Cheers
  2 comments

Money Matters

6:50 PM          By Mr Blur
Wow, we should do this here in Malaysia.
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070910: Because I'm Leaving

5:34 AM          By Mr Blur
Currently in LCCT waiting for my flight home. And wondering where all the pretty people go. I've been here for 2 hours but never see one living person who I can consider an eye candy. Sigh.

Where have all the pretty ones gone?

I'm letting my baby Chuck being used by my cousin for a week. Although I must admit it is hard to let him go, but I guess I have to put all my trust on them. Sigh. Hopefully no scratch/dent (God forbid) on my little baby. In return, I get their Honda CRV. Maybe not. The text my cousin sent me clearly says "Atas risiko sendiri" and it does make me nervous.

Another hour before my flight.

I'll wait at least until 9 before I go inside departure hall.

I'm planning to dye my hair.

Any taker?

Don't have any more ideas.

Sigh
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210810: Stomp baby, Stomp

2:10 PM          By Mr Blur
Oh, I am still not satisfied with this theme.

And so the search continues.

Just now before sahur, I had a bit of nightmare-ish. I was killed by a cyborg-gone-rogue, headshot. Haha. And on my mind when I was hit was, gosh I haven't named my beneficiary for my insurance! Hahahaha.

Lately I experienced quite a few funky dreams.

Oh well.

Cheerio!
  0 comments

210810: Night Craze

9:11 AM          By Mr Blur
Pergh.

It's really been a long long time ago since I even visited my own blog. Haha. I also don't know whether its because I don't have time for it (geez) or just damn lazy to maintain it.

Oh well.

I want to make a little makeover. The theme I have now is kinda lame a bit. So maybe I'll spend my night and surf for interesting and more "me" theme.

(I suddenly remembered this blog entitled ilovemyself####.blogspot.com gosh beyond narcissist)

Enough talk bad about other people.

Anyways. Just a quick update about myself.

A month ago, I bought a car. Black Myvi SE. I'm so loving it. And I name it Chuck (although I prefer to name it Nate) *awhhhhhh starry eyes*

But after approximately 8 days, my company where I worked sent me to Sabah for site visit. Haha. It was kinda funny since I was so rushing to buy that car since "someone" said he will send his car to his brother when he's out of town when I ask him whether I can borrow his car. Turned out, he just left the car here. Sigh. Oh well. Nevermind that. At least now I don't have to ask practically anyone in office to take ride home. I'm in control of my own destiny again. Yeah.

My love life (do I have one? Dunno) is a bit roller coaster ride. But a man gotta do, what a man gotta do. Life goes on.

And urgh today in office, there's this little guy who just smacked my head out of nowhere. And as return, I pinch his tit as hard as I could. Haha. Don't mess with me. I'm gonna twist your tits till you beg for your momma.

Haha. Too much? Neh. Told you guys, this blog is filled with craps.

Ok, time to think about renovation for this blog.

Cheerios~~~
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Trust Issue

2:29 AM          By Mr Blur
Walk the talk lah.

Geez.
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110710: Despite All These

7:11 AM          By Mr Blur
I still don't have the guts to rip off the band-aid.

I guess I blame it on my inability to change my destiny.

And as cheesy and corny as Eclipse (You know, the Twilight thingy. Yea, I watched it. Against all odds), I find it quite enlightening. In part that everything in life starts with a decision.

I made many decisions in my life (geez what a cliche). Some are stupid, some regrettable. But there are also the decisions that helped me to be where I am now. And I think my lack of go-jump-and-experience-it attitude makes me, somehow in some way, less wise than others. I was so afraid of making mistakes, that I am overly cautious in deciding anything.

I do strongly believe that by making mistakes in fact helps us to become a better person.

But I guess the way I was brought up makes me so afraid of taking the wrong steps. I need to learn on how to overcome that.

Ah aku merepek lagi.

Cheers
  1 comments

100710: Quotable Quotes

6:25 AM          By Mr Blur
there's a point in your life when you get tired of fixing everything & trying to make everyone happy. when you finally decide to quit, it's not giving up. its realizing you dont need certain people and the bullshit they bring in to your life
  1 comments

09072010: Change

7:38 AM          By Mr Blur
Aku rasa cam mau mencarut laju-laju. Tapi aku xmau rosakkan hujung minggu aku. Serius minggu lepas, my weekend was totally fucked up.

Weekend kali ni, niat aku, habiskan tengok Mythbusters, CSI, ngan Gossip Girl. Mana-mana stok yang masih ada dalam external hardisk aku. Anyway sebijik hardisk aku M.I.A. Aku pun xtau aku letak mana. Xpe, jadi positif. Tenang sudey. If its gone, then its gone.

Oh dalam 3 minggu lagi, kereta aku akan sampai, hopefully. Lepas aku ada kereta, then I'll have total control of my life. Xperlu lagi bersusah hati mengerang kalau kesorangan di hujung minggu. Drive saja ke JJ Cheras Selatan layan karok. Seorang diri? Peduli apa aku. Saiko. Hehe.

Honestly I can't wait for that day to come.

Cheers
  1 comments

04072010: Surprise, surprise

4:33 AM          By Mr Blur
Mood aku tiba-tiba jadi okay hari ni.
Mungkin sebab cukup tidur. Mungkin.

Anyway, aku ada dengar lagu ni masa lepak dengan sorang kawan di Klang.


And this song actually helps me lift my mood today. Apart from the 6 hours sleep la. Haha.

Oh well.

Thanks a lot to Miss Z who posted this to my Facebook Wall. Muah! Haha.

Yeay mood da okay. Besok Isnin. Lepak sudey.
  2 comments

16052010: Lost, Found, and I Think Lost Again

6:11 PM          By Mr Blur
Throughout my life, I have knows several special people that I came to regard as my bestfriend. And along the way I lost several of them. Few, because of stupid feud, others due to backstabbing. And some simply lost interest in the friendship. Okay, I don't really mind because for me, I played my part to make the friendship work. Maybe not enough, but I did.

Now, I think I lost another close friend, whom I regard very highly since I knew this person.

I don't really know what happened. But I can only guess. At first I think it was only because he is busy or something. But now I am pretty sure that we became a bit distant. He once told me, don't get to attached since nothing can last forever. Yea, I guess I need to work on my dependence on others, and my over thinking self.

I can get attached with something too quickly, and over analyze things. Maybe because of my "engineer" self *LOL* or as I have accepted all these years, its because of me. I am also a type of person who cherish a beautiful friendship as it is. Yea, I did several things that may rock my friendships, but now, I did become better, and treat everyone the way they deserved.

Okay, I did lost interest in one of my friendships because for me, it took the whole lots of me, that it actually backfires. Third party claim said, I don't really have to end the friendship because it wasn't all on the other person. I do agree, but staying in the friendship will make me feel like this person has sucked me and my strength, my self-esteem. Why, you ask? Okay, this person get the thing I wanted the most, since we started become friend. He get ALL the things I wanted, which I believe I had helped him to achieve. Okay, I was happy for him. But recently I did some thinking, and it somehow makes me realize. Because I think that while this person gets everything that I ever dreamed of, I ended up where I have always been. Life is not fair, you say. Yea, try it on you. Have you ever experienced that you helped someone, and he/she get all that YOU ever wanted, while you sitting still watching from afar from where you are all these while? Don't ever say you are TOTALLY happy for that person. You are not so saintly yourself, I am very sure of that.
So if you who reads this, don't agree with me. Just wait until it happens to you.

Again, I don't blame him. I wasn't expecting something in return. But at least, I helped someone to achieve his dream, my life would be the way I dreamed it would be. Sigh, but no. Oh well. Life is not fair. And staying in the friendship will make me lost my strength. So I decided that I need to downgrade it from bestfriends, to friends. Haha. So childish, I suppose.

That's all.

Cheers
  0 comments

15052010: Nervous

8:09 AM          By Mr Blur
I'm in the mood to write something.

Okay.

Let see. What exactly on my mind now. Hurm.

Oh, tomorrow I'll be off to Johor Bahru for my Bosiet Training. Supposedly I was to go there with an officemate, but I received a text from HR personnel saying that I will be going on my own. Okay, I am quite nervous about that. But all and all, hope everything will be okay. I am looking forward for this training so that I have an excuse to be sent to offshore. Yeay. At least to Sabah. Hehe.

But I am quite saddened by this. Last week I requested to be sent for the training early this week. But since there is another new guy needed the training, so I was supposedly to go with him. I was planning to go to Singapore if I were sent last Monday. Huhu. Oh well, what to do.

So my flight tomorrow is at 5pm. Haha, they sure don't want me to enjoy as much there using the company's money. Haha. And this will be my first time in Johor ever. Yeay. I am officially been to every state in Malaysia. Haha. Finally.

Oh, I think thats all. Nothing much to tell. Will update some time later.

Cheers
  0 comments

02052010: Just A Thought

5:22 AM          By Mr Blur
Wah, life as an engineer, is not quite as I would imagined. (Or maybe not yet, LOL).

Just a short update on what is happening to my life now.

Well, I still haven't buy a proper mattress to sleep on, and it takes toll on my back and shoulder. Sigh. Maybe by this weekend I will buy one. I must buy one for the sake of my back.

Next week, I'll be off to JB to have my Bosiet Training. For non-O&G peeps out there, this training is basically to prepare oneself for offshore, and after obtaining the certs, one is considered certified to go for offshore operations. Yea, I need this course so badly, so that I am eligible to be sent to the site, and that means, balik kampung! Whee. Can't wait la. Seriously, its been 4 months since I am back at home. I miss home so much *everyone, together, AWHHHH*

Oh something happened today. An old friend called me up and asked to meet up tonight. Okay, I am really okay with the part where we'll just have a nice chat and updating on our lives. BUT. A big "but" there. This guy is involved in some sort of MLM business, which I am far from interested with. I know that the hanging out part will involve some nice stories about money, money, and okay maybe a bit of social responsibility which I may argue, is quite insignificant. Okay, fine, I've seen people on Facebook who put their bulks of RM50 just to show how quick and "easy" it is to be rich by joining the army of MLM. And yea, I heard that they really make money. Fine with me. But please, I am not interested in that. Make all the money in the world, as many as you like. I am not interested. Thats just not me. I'm not a sweet talker, I can't persuade strangers. Heck, I can't even persuade my own lover! How on earth would I make a living out of the MLM? So my answer is, NO. A firm one. Sorry.

I guess this blog is a lot simpler than the last one. Yea, I may have lost my interest in blogging. Maybe due to the fact that I forced myself to not blogging and I did. Sigh. I feel like I little piece of myself. I am hoping that my enthusiasm will come back, sooner or later. I have a lot to rant about. I like to tell craps. I'm not sure if anyone would care, but whatever.

Oh oh, I am concern that I may hurt several people. Unintentionally. Gosh. Now I feel bad about them, and myself. I never want to lose my best buddies. Especially those who stayed through thick and thin, who endures my constant craps, kicks me when I'm down, et cetera.

And the cutie pie that I mentioned in my previous post. So today we sit (almost) next to each other! Haha. I am damn excited. So cute la you! Found the Facebook page, but I don't have the courage to add. Ya lor, we never even said a word to each other! Sigh. Oh well, next time.

I think that is all from me now. Sigh. I know, my post are getting boring by the minute. What to do.

Grrrrr~!
  1 comments

02052010: Weekend

7:59 PM          By Mr Blur
Duh, what a damn boring weekend. Gosh I can't wait until I have my own car, which is two months away. At least when I feel alone, I can drive myself around.

Yea, feeling alone. I need to remind myself that putting too much hope into something will only leave me disappointed, over and over again. Crap! I let my guard down and this happens. I should have stick to my guns and remain heartless. And now I'm waiting pathetically for a phone call or a text message, that hopefully will make my day a better one. Looks like I need to check my expectation out the door.

Gosh can't wait, really.

Next week, I'm planning to go to JB to meet up with a close friend, whom I promised that I will accompany him to Singapore. I will try not to disappoint him, although he have this 'whatever' attitude that if I blew him off he would just say its okay and really meant it, but I did promised, and that promise I intend to keep. Plus going to Singapore will take off the load off my shoulder and chance for me to have fun.

Last week went to see a doctor for my Offshore Medical Checkup. I was quite anxious about something, but turns out it was nothing serious. Phew, I would kill myself if it was something worse. Literally kill myself.

Maybe I need to go back to who I was 8 months back. I have this strategy on how to keep myself out of blueness. How I wish I can be as heartless as B Kinney. (Although he did cry for the very person he love but never admitted it). Kinney, inspire me. Please. You are such cutthroat, I-Live-For-Myself motto and Fuck-You attitude. Again, literally speaking.

Oh, I am so regretting for having my haircut now. It looks okay if I made it spiky, but since I can't do that, I ended up looking stupid. Sigh. Thankfully I can enjoy my day watching this cute eye candy who usually runs around the office in oh-you-are-so-cute-I-could-eat-you manner. Thank goodness for that. But too bad we never spoke a word to each other. Only exchanging glances once. Gosh you are so cute! Help help! I am having an aneurysm just thinking of you.

*Puss-in-boots-y eyes*

Haha. I sound like a sick pervert.

Well, at least the thought of it makes me smile.

'till next time, I'm outta here.

Watcha!!!!
  1 comments

230410: Ahem!

8:30 AM          By Mr Blur
Hey.

For those of you who know me, yeah, I moved to this new blog. I've been thinking about it for quite some time, but never had the time, nor the spirit to do it. But I have to admit, I can't stop blogging just yet. I won't delete the old one, thats my promise.

I have apologized to one specific person who was hurt by my posts in my old blog. I am very sorry for what I did, and here I will give you the level of respect you deserve.

And for all of you,

I mean,


ALL OF YOU.


Read the warning above. The blog will be filled with crap. So if you think you can bear with them, be my guest. But if you are not, feel free to leave. Don't be such a pathetic jerk who complains and put the not-so-nice comments this blog. Do yourself a favor would you. Get a life.

Oh, by the way, I just turned 23 three days ago. Yippeeee!

Although it was rather a quite celebration, but it was okay. Tomorrow, hope to have fun with all the geng cacatz. Looking forward to hang out with the lots of you.

Cheers
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